30 more days until my trip for my photoshoot, and my first half marathon. For once I am starting to feel confident about my first half marathon. Went for my first 10 miler the other day and did pretty well. I Personal Best my 5k today, after doing 6 miles yesterday. The weight is slowly coming off, which it was this hard to gain it back. It's a mental game though, and it's tough. When I go to the store to look at clothes, I keep thinking that I am way bigger than I am. I had a breakdown last week in Target dressing room, and to this day, I still can't believe it. This is the smallest size I have ever been in my adult life. Haven't been this size since Jr. High. Its hard when you have been condition to be that overweight girl, most of your life to think like other people. It just dawned on me tonight, that 2 more sizes smaller, I will finally be in the single digits. My goal this month is to lost 15 lbs before my trip. So far 4 lbs in the last 4 days. Been upping my workouts to 2 times a day, and getting a workout at work now that I am a delivery driver who lumps her own truck. I am not avoiding people, just been trying to work on my own self, and in the process it's finding my own ways of doing it and I haven't been hanging around a lot of people, because its a personal journey for me and I know people don't understand it, and I don't want to be tempted to slide back into old ways. Food to me is an addiction, so by not hanging around a lot of people, I am less tempted to give into that temptation which is hard to do when society is based on food.
Weight loss is such a personal journey as everyone has different ways of doing it, and each journey is special. It took me awhile to restart this journey and now I am finally starting to see what the hard work and dedication is doing not just physically but mentally too. I did my 10 miles when it was 88 degrees out in the middle of the hottest part of the day, not hoping to hurt myself but to learn more about what my body can do and handle. I am stronger than what I think I am.
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