blah

Stepped on scale today, and not sure what happened.  It said like 4 lbs more, but I do know a person can have a 6 lbs difference a day.  I raced this weekend, and it was all hills-first time ever running hills.  It was hard but I did get my best time so far this racing season.  This weekend's 5k was the Autism puzzle run and walk.  I did both.  I am hoping the dehydration, extra working out and probably the eating after the race kind of messed my body up.

I got so many compliments on my outfit.  Only one pretty much that dressed up for the run.  I do my own thing to making running fun, and look cute doing it, lol.  Next week's 5k is the Berkshire Hathaway Invest in yourself 5k.  Tomorrow I am going to the gym early because our bathtub is out of commission and I really need to take a shower before work, so what better way of getting a free shower- workout at gym and shower afterward.  I know gross right, lol.

review of Easter weekend

Well Friday, it was my sister's 30th birthday so she decided spaghetti works.  Tried the gluten free spaghetti as I have found out recently I have a gluten intolerance, makes a lot of sense now actually.  I tried to eat a sandwich and not even a half hour later I was sick.  Anyway, back to the gluten free spaghetti, it was amazing.  It was nice to not feel left out while everyone was partaking in the pasta and not have to eat just salad either.

Easter- well the bunny did not come to visit our house so no candy there.  I did grill out spiced turkey burgers and mixed veggies.  I am gad there was no candy as it is so easy for me to be tempted.  Fighting a food addiction is hard and that's what food is to me an addiction.  I LOVE to eat.  This point in time, it is a matter of winning that addiction and steering myself away from it, which I have been doing pretty awesome at.Think though I am trading food for working out, which is fine for now.  I did watch some videos last night of what it takes to compete and one lady's videos made a lot of sense and I am glad she put a warning, the closer it gets to competition time, the worse the food issues arise and pop up.  I am glad I had a year warning so I can be prepared mentally for what that is going to entail.  Not sure what to expect on that part.  Being an alcoholic or a drug addict seems so much easier sometimes, because as an American Society, we mostly revolve around food: social occasions, parties, restaurants, etc.  Least with alcohol and drugs, there is time away from those, like you don't have to go to the bar.  There isn't always a bar on every corner, but there is fast food on every freaking corner.

  I also watched some posing coaching videos, the girl that is helping me for next year has competed before, and plans to compete with me again next year, has told me to go ahead and get my competition shoes, and start practicing posing.  I am not sure how confident I am on this.  The shoes are clear plastic 5 inch stilettos.  I can barely walk in heels, feel like an elephant tramping along.  I am so not graceful walking, more like a walking disaster.  So I am glad I have a year to practice gliding.  Stage presence and I do not get along-always scored bad in pageants which is part of the reason I got out of pageants, first being I love my tattoos too much lol.

April 19, 2014-warning pics

Well everyone suggested I keep a before and after pics.  So I can't believe how painful this was, and how embarrassed I am.  Here is the before pics-after losing 50 lbs and I should have thought about this when I first started in October but didn't.  So As of April 19th, I will try to do at least monthly pics.

decided today to finally say those magical words

I AM A RUNNER!!!! What does one mean when they are I am a runner, that is a question that know one seems to know.  Those who can only run a block can still be a runner.  To be a runner, means the dedication of practicing running no matter what gets in the way.  Today, I actually felt like a runner and am proud to say that I am a runner.  If you would have asked me month ago when I started this weight loss journey that I would consider myself a runner, I would have fell over laughing.  Something hit me Friday when I did Hustle for Hunger.  I feel like part of the running community.


So far this week I am down 2 lbs.  I am exactly 50 lbs from what I want my competition weight should be.  This is a bitter sweet journey because I have already lost 50 since Oct in 6 month period.  I think I can lose 50 more in 6 months and then use the other 6 months before comps to prepare and get more toned.  It does seem like I am working much harder now to lose the weight.  I feel another session with the nutritionist may be in order.

This was me 4/11/2014.

10/2013 at 50 lbs heavier

hell week

Well that was the worst scare in my life.  Got the call today- atypical cells meaning precancer but they removed it.. So found the spots before they turned into melanoma.  The one on my leg was atypical, the one on stomach was starting to turn atypical, and armpit was a benign growth.  So I get to go in yearly and get checked unless more spots pop up.  This time I won't hesitate to go in.  Waiting is the worst especially when not knowing.

big scare

So I wasn't going to tell anyone, but I might as well... I went for a girly exam and the doc told me to make an appt with a dermatologist.  I did and got in right away, especially with my family history of skin cancers.  Well that day, they did find some cancer looking spots-looked a lot like my grandpa's and removed them.  I had 3 spots so far, my leg which had black and brown and was odd shaped, my stomach which literally looked like someone took a fine sharpie and made a poke mark, very little and black, and in my armpit which they weren't sure about.  The doctor even had a student check out the mark on my leg, took measurements made sure it was notated and circled, and said that I should hear back in a week from the lab.  They even took pictures so I have a feeling this is not going to turn out good.  If it is, I lose my pilot's license for awhile-could be years depending if it's basal, squamous, or melonoma.. Melonoma is a no go for a pilot's license.

Armpit, stomach and leg pics of where possible cancer may have been removed


This week is hell.  All I want to do is splurge on what I eat and not care but I have been good and have stuck to my diet and kept working out.  The hole in my armpit hurts the worse as it was literally in my armpit so anytime I raise my arm, put my arm down, or my clothes rub on it, it hurts.

So here it is a nutshell.  If I do have skin cancer, the doc thinks it was all removed when she cut into me.  2. I have many strikes against me so the odds of me getting it was pretty sure: genetics, not a user of sunblock, tanning beds, living in Hawaii. So it is what it is.  I have to thank my best friend in a weird sort of sappy way which I am not a sappy person usually.  Had he not talked me into doing fitness and pushed me into it, I wouldn't have been checking my body out in the mirrors and such, therefor would not have seen the spots.  So in a way, I have to thank fitness and him for maybe saving my life.

The gyno exam sucked, I can no longer be on the shot due to it rotting bones.  It is a blessing in some ways but I did gain like 70 lbs on it but it took like 15 years to gain that.  So now to find something that won't make me gain and does the same job as the shot.  My worst fear is gaining the weight back again.  I can't afford to do that again as I have worked really hard and am continuing to work it off.  The doc wasn't very helpful as she gave me basically two choices and I don't like either.  1.  get my tubes tied which is extreme because I haven't had any kids but I am still young, just haven't found the right person that I want to bear a child with.  2. the other option is too dangerous and is banned in a lot of places for girls who have never had a kid due to perforation or expelling.  This idea didn't appeal to me at all, especially after researching and reading the negatives.  So I left the doc's office with really bad choices, and then being told to see the dermatologist right away.  Not a good start to the week.

Totally 80's rad 5k race

Had a total blast.  So many awesome costumes and colors.  It was a fun run with money going to a few charities, Team Jack, and Juvenile Diabetes.  I ran it with my sister, first time we have raced together that I can remember which probably helped make it more special.  I do believe I made my PR time today.  After the race, totally splurged on food, but still stayed under calorie count.

the ah-hAH moment

Yesterday I was so hungry all day, realized protein was low for the day.  Also learned do not eat spaghetti before Zumba cause it make my stomach hurt, even 2 hours after eating it.

 So today while at gym, some lady was talking and asked if I was running.  I really didn't think she was talking to me, so I didn't answer, so she came around the corner and asked again.  I am like yea, she said well you look like you are into running.  Um, ok..I just got into running, I really don't consider myself a runner of any sorts, in fact I really hate running but am making myself run.  In fact, today at the gym I felt like nothing as if going to the gym was like going to work.  I am normally one for the gym, but today it was kind of a drag to go.  I didn't want to be there, but went anyway and am glad I did.  Apparently the lady who asked me in the locker room, is a fitness instructor and said I should take her class, which apparently a lot of marathon runners take her class.  We had a nice long conversation about fitness.  I thought that rocked because I still see myself as a fat girl not someone who runs.

I am really working hard, as I have a photoshoot coming up on April 19th and I feel that I can lose 10-15 more lbs before the shoot.  The shoot is way out of what I normally do, so it will be interesting as it is outside of my comfort level but I want to expand my horizons.  I am down another 3 lbs since Friday, so I can literally say I ran/hiked my booty off this week.

Oh, I went on a date.  Like I am not a dater, as most people who are overweight seem to have troubles getting dates.  I am on of those girls.  I can actually count on 1 hand how many boyfriends I have had in my life going back to high school years.   I just was never really into dating, and thought why would anyone want someone like me, especially being overweight.  Or I was too busy living life and trying to achieve my goals to think about dating  It went well, and we hope to go out again.  Even now, I am iffy about dating.  In the past few months I have worked really hard to beat this weight issue and I don't want some guy getting in the way of that.  Not everyone understands the journey or how tough it is.  So my first rule of dating, is they have to be supportive of my fitness and my fitness goals.  I can't date someone who is going to tell me it's ok to not workout because it is so easy to slide back into old habits.