positive updates

So I've been depressed because my clothes are tight and stuff just doesn't fit anymore.  I took some jumps in the last few weeks.  I did become a Mixxed Fit instructor, I'm including a pic after a long hard training day.  I was exhausted by the end, 6 hours of dancing, boot camp exercising, and then the nerve wracking audition.  I did get to lead a song at class a few weeks ago, so I am slowly get back into it.  I love mixxed fit, it's a people inspired dance toning fitness class so high explosive energy.

Also I let my Zumba instructor stuff go years ago when I got a job that was pretty much took my whole life away.  Well I received an email and I can get reinstated without having to go through training again, so jumping on this as well.  That will be two formats of fitness I will be licensed to teach.  I am also looking into becoming a barre teacher.

I did a Shamrock Run, which I think I had an okay time with it being the first run in a awhile.  I am posting pics of that as well.  I am going to sign up for two more half marathons in May and that will put me where I need to be time wise for training for my first full marathon in Sept.

I have some photo shoots coming up, so it's time to stop excuses and time to get back to myself, and start doing what I love and taking care of me.

sidetracked

I had to restart marathon training, for the last few weeks my dog Belle has been sick and I had a guy feeling that it was her time to go.  She had lost weight and was having issues going to the bathroom, last week was the worst.  She had a few good days where she ate everything and so we thought she was getting better.  She was 15.  On Friday, I was watching her poop so I could take a pic for the vet's office cause I thought she had signs of Pancreatitis.  She fell over while pooping and laid for a bit.  I picked her up which she never used to let anyone pick her up and she was having trouble breathing.  I got her to our vet who said prepare for the worst as she was beyond their scope of practice and had me pick her up again to go to the pet hospital who informed us after x-rays, she wouldn't be going home with us.  She couldn't breath because  her own organs were being squashed due to many tumors.  I look back and 4 different vets told us they were noncancerous fat lumps, no different than human cellulite. They hooked her up to oxygen, and said we could do a procedure where they would jab a needle into the tumor pressing on her heart to drain the fluid so it could fill up again but would buy us a hour or maybe a few weeks or to let her go.  This all happened Feb. 26,2016. I felt guilty for the last few weeks of leaving her alone to go to work, so I have been slacking on the working out as my furbabies are my kids.  I don't have any kids so they are it.  They are my best friends, my loyal companions, my everything.  I am pretty devastated still and it's been almost a week, haven't been a day where I haven't cried.  Really thought today would have been the day, except the hospital called and said Belle's ashes were ready along with the paw prints I requested so I can get one tattooed on me as a memorial.  My whole family is mourning, and my other dog is not doing so well either with the loss.  I feel like I am that crazy dog lady because of the quilt I am feeling.

On Sunday, I am making the leap and going to audition to become a mixxed fit instructor, so starting over.  I know I need to lose weight as my clothes are so not fitting the right way anymore and I hate the way I have been feeling.  I've had bronchitis for the last 3 months due to my job and being around smoke and I quit that job last week so hopefully it goes away soon.  With my new job I don't have to be at work until later, so I am thinking I should have time to workout before work.  This job isn't looking to promising so the job interview I have on Friday is even better hours for a part-time job, which equals to the amount I am making for the full-time job.

last Sunday-race failure

So I drove to Milwaukee to run in the Samson romp and Stampede, only I didn't get to run it.  I have been sick since New Year's Eve, trip two weeks to urgent care resulted in a very bad case of Bronchitis.  I am still coughing and having issues, so when I got to Milwaukee and realized how cold it was, I decided I didn't need to be getting sicker.  It was -26 at the time of the race with the windchill.  Yes, I am disappointed, but no not waste of a trip, as I have friends up there.  I spent the day of the race with my bestie's daughters at a trampoline park, then the next day I took a fitness class that isn't offered anywhere near where I live.  I fell in love with the class.  It's a dance fitness class so right up my ally.  Anyway, so before I left for Milwaukee, my co-worker and I were talking and he told me I should think about what I want to do with my life.  He's right, I am not getting any younger.  I had the car drive to think about it, since I went alone.  Here is what I came up with: I am tired of being overweight, the meds they had me on for bronchitis made me gain like 10 lbs in like 3 weeks.  I am tired of the way it makes me feel, I am tired of how being overweight is affecting my work-I can't fit into places I could a few months ago.  I decided I need to get back on track with training for my first marathon, and with all my goals.  I also thought about going back to teaching fitness on the side.  I miss teaching and how much fun I was having teaching it and inspiring others.  I am determined to take the training to get certified to teach the class I took in Milwaukee and bring it to my area.  I also want to get licensed to teach mixxed fit as well.  So my plan is in March to take the class to do mixxed fit and then go to Milwaukee to get certified to teach the class I took up there in a few months.

So today, I did jazzercise, as I bought 12 classes worth to help get some cross training in.  I have also made a schedule so I can get back on track with marathon training.  I think having a calendar so I can see what is planned for each day will help me stay on track.

been awhile

So after the disappointment of my last half-marathon, I seriously stopped running.  I got so discouraged and actually started to hate running.  Running is my go to for when I am stressed.  Also got bit by a recluse 2 times around my birthday which meant no working out at all for a month due to the meds, they had me on so my arm didn't fall off.  I have also gained 12 lbs back since I stopped running which I hate.  I hate myself for allowing me to go back to old ways, for not having the self-control I had with food for awhile.  I hate the way my clothes fit now, and know I need to get back on track.  With that being said, I ran a Jingle Jog last month, a 5k in the winter.  For me, that's a big deal because I hate the cold and hate being cold.  I also signed up for a race on the 17th up North so even more of a challenge.  I have learned how to properly layer, and my kind boss gave me a gift card to the sports store for Christmas so I could be properly dressed and prepared.  I have decided to make the jump and 2016 is going to be my first FULL marathon.  I am looking at the Lakefront Marathon in October, been talking to this girl that is planning on running it and she is an inspiration.  Was hit head-on by a car, was told basically her running much less walking career is over, and yet she signed up.  I plan on either that one, or the Lake Michigan one that I did my first half on, and sign up for the full.  Discovered on my last sucky half marathon, I much rather run on trails than street.

On a plus note:  I found out today, the way I spaced my half marathons, 2 in one week qualifies me for the Half Maniac group.  It's this running group that in order to join, you have had to have to run so many actual half marathons in a short amount of time frame, and get accepted to join.  I applied today and found out I can join.

So now the new year started, back on track on the diet, probably not the best since it's supposed to be a quick weight loss program but my clothes I bought for my race on the 17th is a little tight, so quickly trying to lose a few pounds before I get there.  I have bronchitis right now, so no running especially because of the asthma issue.  I leave off with pics from the Lincoln Jingle Jog.

and here's a motivation pic.  

second half marathon

The Twin Rivers YMCA Freedom Run 1/2 marathon report.  It was rough.... Discovered that I do like trail running better.  I wanted to quit so bad, but didn't.  I think between running 2 half marathons in a week basically and not feeling well, my mind wasn't in it.  I vomited, and tears were shed.  I stuck on finishing dead last, and I do mean dead last as in the police escorted me a bit as cones were picked up and another runner came back to radio in that they found me.  I had no support really and I don't on this journey so sometimes it's rough and I felt it Sunday. The course was all flat so should have been a piece of cake.  Running is such a mental game, that if you aren't mentally in it, it gets rough.  I wanted to quit so bad, and all I had to do is just tell the Sheriff that was following me, that I couldn't go on.  It would have been so easy to do that, but I'm not much of a quitter and just couldn't stand seeing the DNF on the shirt from the race.  DNF means did not finish.  I wore my shoes out to the point that you could feel every rock which sucked.

****I do have to say, I am officially 35 lbs away from where I want to weigh for fitness competition.

first half marathon=completed

I did it, I made the jump by setting off to do my first half marathon.  It was a lot of pressure on me at first because last year at this time, I was set to do my first half, and I ended up having knee surgery on the day I was supposed to run it.  This year, I not only signed up for my first half, I signed up for a trail one in another state... So lots of pressure there.  I woke up the day of the race at 5AM, so I gave myself time to get there on time to start.  Wisconsin trails are not like Nebraska trails, more like Maui trails, one false step and into Lake Michigan you go.  I wasn't expecting that type of trail nor did I train on trails much.  I did however train in the middle of the afternoon this summer so the extreme heat that Milwaukee is saying was tough to deal with, made running it a little easier.  At mile 9, my feet were completely numb, I have a huge blister on my toe, and heel from the too small size of shoe that Dick's sporting store sold me even though I did train in those shoes with my longest run in those shoes being 10 miles.  I loved this race, and even though I was expecting to be last as it was a Boston qualifer, I did not get dead last, 3rd from last though.,... I know what I need to do, to kick it's ass next year.  Well I am signing up for another half next Sunday for 9/11, and it's a flat run so no hills or one lane trails.  Also eyeballing a 21 miler but it's in October and I don't know if I can do that much with little time to train.

30 more days

30 more days until my trip for my photoshoot, and my first half marathon.  For once I am starting to feel confident about my first half marathon.  Went for my first 10 miler the other day and did pretty well.  I Personal Best my 5k today, after doing 6 miles yesterday.  The weight is slowly coming off, which it was this hard to gain it back.  It's a mental game though, and it's tough.  When I go to the store to look at clothes, I keep thinking that I am way bigger than I am.  I had a breakdown last week in Target dressing room, and to this day, I still can't believe it.  This is the smallest size I have ever been in my adult life.  Haven't been this size since Jr. High.  Its hard when you have been condition to be that overweight girl, most of your life to think like other people.  It just dawned on me tonight, that 2 more sizes smaller, I will finally be in the single digits.  My goal this month is to lost 15 lbs before my trip.  So far 4 lbs in the last 4 days.  Been upping my workouts to 2 times a day, and getting a workout at work now that I am a delivery driver who lumps her own truck.  I am not avoiding people, just been trying to work on my own self, and in the process it's finding my own ways of doing it and I haven't been hanging around a lot of people, because its a personal journey for me and I know people don't understand it, and I don't want to be tempted to slide back into old ways.  Food to me is an addiction, so by not hanging around a lot of people, I am less tempted to give into that temptation which is hard to do when society is based on food.

Weight loss is such a personal journey as everyone has different ways of doing it, and each journey is special.  It took me awhile to restart this journey and now I am finally starting to see what the hard work and dedication is doing not just physically but mentally too.  I did my 10 miles when it was 88 degrees out in the middle of the hottest part of the day, not hoping to hurt myself but to learn more about what my body can do and handle.  I am stronger than what I think I am.