tired of it

I AM DONE...I AM DONE.... I AM DONE, they say if you write a goal down, then it reinforces the goal, well I am done being fat.  It hit me over the weekend.  This month has been crazy and no weight loss significance except losing the weight I gained this month.  I am sick of it.  Like I hate looking at myself in the mirror and seeing blubber.  I am all for confidence and self-love but there comes a point, one no longer looks good in booty shorts or biker shorts.  I am done eating the food that is bad for me.  It's a struggle each day, with me losing the battle, and I am sick and tired of being a loser and finally want to win this battle.  Food is an addiction, I have to face and deal with.  This is probably the biggest goal that is a struggle for me to obtain.  I am going as far as making a motivational board to help me focus.

I did make it to running group this morning.  Running, still an activity I have mixed feelings about because I hate the actual act of running, hate the way it makes my lungs burn.  I do love how it makes me feel like I can accomplish my goals, plus it helps with the weight loss.  Well tomorrow I plan to ride or run but the weather may have different ideas.

the dreaded monthly body check

Here is the recent monthly checkin.  I have not really lost any weight this month, in fact gained and then lost.  Here is today's pics that I took.  I am going to do a side by side comparison to last months to see any difference.  Excuse the messy room too.  I have part of what was in my apartment into 1 room that was like the size of what I had for a kitchen.

Brooks Running shoes

OMG, I LOVE my Brooks Cascadia's.  So far, the best running shoes I have ever owned.  I am just sad I can't afford running shoes that often but now I know to start saving money back to get new ones when needed.  I love how they fit my feet and how they are padded but not too padded so my leg's don't hurt.  I ran my first 5k in them, plus lots of jumping at the after party and no leg or feet pain afterward.  This is not normal for me.  The color fits me perfect too.  I think because those are trail shoes, I am going to have to invest in some street running shoes as well, when I have the money to and already looking at the Brooks Ravenna's or the pure line as I can get away with minimalist shoes.  I can't thanks Brooks enough, that I won a free pair.  The only downfall-too short laces, as you can see in the pic.  I am going to replace those and put in locking laces

Taco Ride

What an adventure.  First of all, the taco ride is about a 30 mile bike ride.  Bicyclist from all over get together on Thursday nights starting in Council Bluffs, Iowa and ride to Mineola, Iowa to the Steakhouse for tacos and margaritas.  In fact the half way point is called Margaritaville, where people have disco balls and lights and music.  Just a fun time to be had by all.  I went today, and had a blast.  Before I went I had a huge stress headache due to not being able to find a job.  After riding, I got to forget a little bit on what is going on in my life, and reach my goal of making it to the steakhouse and back.  The ride to the steakhouse is uphill, but it doesn't feel uphill until halfway through, then you can tell.  I wish I had a foam roller because I have a feeling I am going to be sore tomorrow, when I have to teach fitness.  I can't wait to do it again.

I may have to put my gym membership on hold due to financial reasons, mainly I am broke and even with a scholarship, I can't afford extra.  I had 3 job interviews, and 2 of them-they had no positions open but just had interviews to keep a file of candidates.  I hate being broke and not being able to afford thing such as healthy food and fitness stuff.

Glow Run Lincoln 5k

Well first, $700 bucks later, found out the reason I was feeling horrible was of allergies making my asthma uncontrollable.  I have an allergy to cats that work just couldn't seem to get so needless to say Wed. was my last day.  I didn't even give a 2 week notice, I had to quit, they kept sticking me with a family with lots of cats which in turn was making me sick.  2 trips to the doctors=2 inhalers, 2 allergy meds, and 15 days of antibiotics $700 worth of meds for an allergy they didn't get.  I am so thankful for insurance, otherwise I would be so screwed right now.  That was just the icing, 1 month's check was only for $334 as they did  not have the hours they said they could give me.  How is one supposed to survive on a month's check of $334, when I had to pay for gas to transport their clients, up my insurance to be able to transport their clients, plus car cleaning-long story on that.  I am just freaking out as now I have no job really except my part-time fitness job and bills don't just go away.  I have had some interviews, so hopefully something comes in soon.

I have really fell off the fitness/health wagon the last two weeks, so today I am back at it.  I am feeling like 95% better, and know what I need to do.  I would like to start an inspiration/motivation board to help me too, as I am a visual learner.

So since I was horribly sick every time I went to the client's house and days afterward, my working out suffered as I haven't been able to breath.  I hadn't worked out in like 2 weeks, so I felt really ill prepared for last night's Lincoln Glow Run.  I felt the need to do it though, because I had paid for the race months ago.  I had a blast and the after party was just as much as a workout as the run.  It was not a timed race, but we kind of kept track of our own times and I do believe I have my new PB, pretty much doing the Jeff Galloway of run/walk method.  I am glad I did the run because now I feel inspired to keep on training for the 1/2 marathon.

feeling horrible

I haven't wrote in my blog since Berkshire Hathaway 5k.  Well last week, I started feeling like crap.  I went on a 10-15 mile bike ride anyway.  That was last Thursday and have been pretty much in bed since.  Went to doc today and I have horrible bronchitis.  Thank goodness for insurance cause the medicine would have cost $160.00 without insurance but with insurance, $0.  Antibiotics for bacterial bronchitis and an inhaler to help with my asthma, though I haven't had an attack in like 10 years but the doctor wanted to be safe.  So while in bed today, I decided to feel my arm and I have a little bicep coming along.

Well next week, I have the Glow Run 5K  in Lincoln.

New food recipe:  Ranch flavored tuna with brown rice.  Love it.

Berkshire race

I did the Berkshire Hathaway 5k race this weekend.  Not my best time, but it was fun.  So many people from all over the world.  I ran with my friend and her daughter.  At the end it was weird cause we jumped in a line that we thought was for free Brooks shirts, and then they handed us this coded cards and that determined your prize.  My friend won a shoe bag, her daughter had a choice of either a sun visor, or key holders.  I won a free pair of Brooks shoes.  This was really nice considering I needed a new pair of shoes for an OCR race that I am doing in a few months.  I will admit I am struggling with money on this fitness thing so I set up a gofundme. com page to try to see if I can get help.

Anyway, I decided to start training for the 1/2 marathon I want to do in Sept.  So training starts tonight.  Plus I need to prepare myself for the Zombie Run.

struggling

So I started running which has always been a struggle for me.  It just seems that it fits in my life period right now though, as while running I feel empowered.  I have signed up for several races, and that's where the problem starts, between running and competition I am starting to go broke.  Like I love running races for different causes but between prepping for competition: vitamins, coaching, competition wear,and  healthy eating then add running: shoes, and race fees, outfits, I am needing to raise funds.  My friend suggested I try a gofundme page and see how it goes. I am working 3 part-time jobs that really isn't enough when considering I have to use my own car and not reimbursed for gas on two of my jobs.  Heck, one of them, I can't seem to get paid on time.  I have been interviewing left and right and I am pretty scared tonight of losing what I have left if something doesn't come through soon as in paychecks being on time, and making sure one job has enough hours for me to survive on.

 Here is the link. http://www.gofundme.com/2o3900