sidetracked

I had to restart marathon training, for the last few weeks my dog Belle has been sick and I had a guy feeling that it was her time to go.  She had lost weight and was having issues going to the bathroom, last week was the worst.  She had a few good days where she ate everything and so we thought she was getting better.  She was 15.  On Friday, I was watching her poop so I could take a pic for the vet's office cause I thought she had signs of Pancreatitis.  She fell over while pooping and laid for a bit.  I picked her up which she never used to let anyone pick her up and she was having trouble breathing.  I got her to our vet who said prepare for the worst as she was beyond their scope of practice and had me pick her up again to go to the pet hospital who informed us after x-rays, she wouldn't be going home with us.  She couldn't breath because  her own organs were being squashed due to many tumors.  I look back and 4 different vets told us they were noncancerous fat lumps, no different than human cellulite. They hooked her up to oxygen, and said we could do a procedure where they would jab a needle into the tumor pressing on her heart to drain the fluid so it could fill up again but would buy us a hour or maybe a few weeks or to let her go.  This all happened Feb. 26,2016. I felt guilty for the last few weeks of leaving her alone to go to work, so I have been slacking on the working out as my furbabies are my kids.  I don't have any kids so they are it.  They are my best friends, my loyal companions, my everything.  I am pretty devastated still and it's been almost a week, haven't been a day where I haven't cried.  Really thought today would have been the day, except the hospital called and said Belle's ashes were ready along with the paw prints I requested so I can get one tattooed on me as a memorial.  My whole family is mourning, and my other dog is not doing so well either with the loss.  I feel like I am that crazy dog lady because of the quilt I am feeling.

On Sunday, I am making the leap and going to audition to become a mixxed fit instructor, so starting over.  I know I need to lose weight as my clothes are so not fitting the right way anymore and I hate the way I have been feeling.  I've had bronchitis for the last 3 months due to my job and being around smoke and I quit that job last week so hopefully it goes away soon.  With my new job I don't have to be at work until later, so I am thinking I should have time to workout before work.  This job isn't looking to promising so the job interview I have on Friday is even better hours for a part-time job, which equals to the amount I am making for the full-time job.